The annoying things that toddlers do

Whilst toddlers can be the cutest, funniest and most loving things around they undoubtedly have moments when they turn into the most irritating wee creatures in existence. So I have compiled a list of what I believe are the ten most annoying things toddlers do (to their parents, never anyone else. It’s all part of their master plan)

  • Not letting you turn your back on them for a moment without doing something ridiculous  no matter what they are doing, no matter how safe you think it may be, the second you are not watching them they will move at lightening speed to leave a trail of chaos and destruction behind them. If you have left them in touching distance of anything they can use to help them on their evil mission (e.g. pens, make up, sudocream, to name but a few) you’re screwed.  Do not trust these angel faced little monsters. Ever!
  • Deciding they really need a poo at the most inconvenient times So you have somewhere you really need to be. You’re running late, rushing and sweaty. You have finally herded the kids to the car and are ready to go. You can literally guarantee the moment you turn the key in the ignition “mummy, I really need a poo”.  Another popular option: you have just stepped into a lovely warm shower/ bath, enjoying the first moment of silence you have experienced all day, you close your eyes then hear a crashing at the door  like you’ve suddenly become involved in a police raid. But it’s only a crazy little human body slamming the door before shrieking “mummy, I really need a poo” and obviously the downstairs toilet couldn’t possibly do!
  • Turning a shopping trip into a thing of nightmares Once upon a time I would have said that I really enjoy shopping. Now the thought of shopping with toddlers strikes fear in my heart. I tried clothes shopping with them a few times but quickly remembered why it’s not even worth it. They are like animals. Running wild, trying to hide in rails of clothes  and that’s before you even get to the changing room situation. As if it’s not bad enough that you’re trying to squeeze yourself into something that turns out to be one size too ambitious in the harsh and unforgiving changing room light, they will throw the door open at the most unfortunate moment exposing you in all your granny pants wearing glory in some kind of horrific yoga position trying to break free
  • Having selective hearing Honestly  if you ask them not to do something you will have to repeat yourself about 7 million times while they ignore you. You try and hide in the kitchen and open a sneaky wee chocolate biscuit and they are there like a shot. No problems hearing a wrapper rustling!
  • Showing you up in front of other people Whether it’s acting like lunatics while shopping (see above), loudly making comments about random strangers, “mummy, why is that man so bald?” or just completely ignoring you, it’s like they  try (and often succeed) to make you look a total fool in front of others.
  • Preferring daddy I mean, don’t get me wrong I married the guy so I clearly think he’s alright too but they have to take it to the extreme. As soon as daddy strolls in from work I don’t even get a look in. I can’t help feeling indignant though when daddy is proclaimed “best cook ever” after serving up some chicken dippers, chips and tomato sauce in his once in a blue moon cooking attempt. Aye never mind mummy who usually does all the cooking day in day out. Our three year old daddy’s boy is so disinterested in me when daddy’s home i’m not even allowed to tie his shoe laces or lift him out the bath because he “needs daddy to do it!” They really do think he’s the best thing ever. So nice to feel appreciated!
  • Becoming less and less likely to sleep the more tired they become What is even with that? What’s not to love about the idea of chilling and having a nap? Apparently if you are a toddler – everything! And they will use every kicking, screaming, grabbing onto things tactic to avoid it. usually while screaming how they are not tired in your face. Also, it’s basically a scientific fact that there is a direct correlation between the more tired they are and  the more demonic they become.
  • Ruining meal times for everyone In one way or another meal times are always a shambles. They will request something for dinner and then as soon as you put it down in front of them tell you they don’t like it anymore. They will tell you they have had enough to eat, then if you dare to finish off a left over chip screech at you that they were still hungry. Or  the worst meal time crime of all refuse to eat their own dinner then come over and start nicking yours off your plate. And don’t even get me started on going out for a meal with them!
  • Not being remotely interested in something until someone else has it This is something i’ve really come to appreciate having 2 toddlers to contend with (what was I thinking?!). As soon as one of them spots the other with a toy, no matter what they are doing they instantly need to have that toy. In fact it doesn’t even have to be a toy to spark a baby brawl, even the silliest thing such as an empty toilet roll tube can lead to a vicious battle.
  • Having a melt down over the stupidest of things They manage to turn the seemly most minor offence into the biggest drama. Try giving them the Peppa Pig bowl when they wanted the Paw Patrol one. While I do agree that Peppa is a little shit, it in no way warrants the almighty kick off that ensues. The list of things that will set them off is endless and ever changing. This morning I wouldn’t feed them ice lollies for breakfast. That one earned me a good 15 minutes of screaming for a really great start to the day.
  • After a massive twenty minute hissy fit of tears, snot, flailing and stamping feet instantly switching as if none of it has even happened!  After you’ve tried picking them up, comforting them, cuddling them, ignoring them, pleading with them to stop and nothing you can say or do is working. You feel like you’re slowly going insane and  there seems to be no end in sight, then suddenly………nothing. They switch it off completely and resume normality (well as normal as toddlers can ever be!) After about 3 seconds there is no sign that there had ever been a tantrum at all.

And despite all their crazy ridiculousness you can’t even actually be annoyed at them because it takes them a split second to switch from little horrors to cutest things on earth. Well played toddlers, well played.

 

Pink Pear Bear

5 ridiculous things my kids have done this week 

Woooooo…..it’s Friday!

I’m particularly happy this Friday because after being away for work this week my husband will be home tonight. His time away, of course, coincided with the three year old having hand, foot and mouth disease. Luckily it seemed to only be mild and he quickly got over it but , in true man style, he really enjoyed milking it and “mummy I’m poorly so I need…..” (It was mainly chocolate) became his favourite phrase. I got to spend my unexpected extra days off antibac-ing everywhere like a fiend and being paranoid about the rest of us contracting it.

To celebrate surviving to the end of another week with my sanity mostly intact I have compiled a small list of ridiculous things my kids have done this week

  1. I was having a lovely day, chilling in the garden and enjoying the sun while the kids were playing. The littlest  tried to hand me something so I put my hand out……. It was a snail.
  2. The toddlers had an almighty synchronised temper tantrum because I wouldn’t let them have ice lollies for breakfast.
  3. Three year old told me “mummy I love your hair, it looks like worms”
  4. The biggest, who is eleven and should know better, cut a big chunk from the  front of her long hair. It was because she was bored apparently!
  5. And just to make sure I hadn’t had it too easy this week. This morning the littlest kindly removed her nappy in her cot covering it, and herself, in poo. Never the best start to a day! 

So with that I patiently await their bedtime, hopefully featuring a helping husband and then sitting down with a large glass of wine.

Hope you have a lovely weekend!


S xx

Toddler TV: Paw Patrol

Lets be honest the use of tv to distract children can be a saviour, e.g. when you want to have a quick pee that’s not an audience participation event or hide in the cupboard to enjoy a sneaky chocolate treat without being decendended upon by crazed zombie like kids. Once you’ve introduced it from then on in you are subject to a whole lot of annoying characters, presenters with very odd fashion sense and horrendously catchy songs that you find yourself singing all day long.

My little boys current favourite is Paw Patrol, with the catchiest theme tune of them all. Paw patrol  takes place in adventure bay, a strange little town with areas of bay, farmland, jungle, mountains and  tundra. There is always a drama going on but luckily the citizens are in safe hands as the emergency services take the form of Ryder, aged 10 and his team of pups who are there to save the day. I do question the efficiency of the service as there is a lot of fannying around with chatting and shouting of catchphrases which I believe is seriously impeding their response time. Ryder is a totally arrogant wee guy but I suppose as the safety of the whole town rests on his shoulders that can be forgiven. The pups all have their specialist areas and are all equipped with appropriately pimped up vehicles to zoom around town in. From what I can gather Chase is the police force, Marshall the fire and medical service, Sky is air rescue, Rubble is mountain rescue, zuma is sea rescue and poor Rocky,  bless him, is in charge of recycling.

Another cause for concern in Adventure Bay is the mayor, Mayor Goodway. She is completely unable to  take care of herself and is always leading herself and others into perilous situations. This leads me to wonder how she ever managed to become mayor in the first place. I’m thinking maybe sexual favours or some other dodgy deal. This is only speculation though as it’s not an area I have seen explored during an episode yet. Mayor Goodway has a pet handbag chicken, Chickoletta. She is my favourite, because unlike the super annoying pups she doesn’t say much and when it’s all kicking off she just goes around not giving a shit.

Other Adventure bay regulars include Katie,  who owns a grooming salon, and her cat Callie, Captain Tulbot the fisherman who lives in the lighthouse, Mr Porter the greengrocer and his nephew Alex and the married farmers Al and Yumi. None of whom are strangers to getting into ridiculous situations requiring pup intervention. Unfortunately for the pups it’s not only the incompetent human inhabitants who need saving. Lots of their time is also devoted to animal rescue too. 

When the pups have some rare free time from rescuing the towns idiots they enjoy a wee game of pup, pup boogie, which is the dance mat of the pup world. I’ve had to mention this  because the song sticks in your head for days and you find yourself going round Morrison’s singing how you can’t get enough of that pup pup stuff. Judging by the amount of shit I know about Adventure Bay life it’s clear that I can’t!! 


S xx

Pink Pear Bear