The annoying things that toddlers do

Whilst toddlers can be the cutest, funniest and most loving things around they undoubtedly have moments when they turn into the most irritating wee creatures in existence. So I have compiled a list of what I believe are the ten most annoying things toddlers do (to their parents, never anyone else. It’s all part of their master plan)

• Not letting you turn your back on them for a moment without doing something ridiculous  no matter what they are doing, no matter how safe you think it may be, the second you are not watching them they will move at lightening speed to leave a trail of chaos and destruction behind them. If you have left them in touching distance of anything they can use to help them on their evil mission (e.g. pens, make up, sudocream, to name but a few) you’re screwed.  Do not trust these angel faced little monsters. Ever!
• Deciding they really need a poo at the most inconvenient times So you have somewhere you really need to be. You’re running late, rushing and sweaty. You have finally herded the kids to the car and are ready to go. You can literally guarantee the moment you turn the key in the ignition “mummy, I really need a poo”.  Another popular option: you have just stepped into a lovely warm shower/ bath, enjoying the first moment of silence you have experienced all day, you close your eyes then hear a crashing at the door  like you’ve suddenly become involved in a police raid. But it’s only a crazy little human body slamming the door before shrieking “mummy, I really need a poo” and obviously the downstairs toilet couldn’t possibly do!
• Turning a shopping trip into a thing of nightmares Once upon a time I would have said that I really enjoy shopping. Now the thought of shopping with toddlers strikes fear in my heart. I tried clothes shopping with them a few times but quickly remembered why it’s not even worth it. They are like animals. Running wild, trying to hide in rails of clothes  and that’s before you even get to the changing room situation. As if it’s not bad enough that you’re trying to squeeze yourself into something that turns out to be one size too ambitious in the harsh and unforgiving changing room light, they will throw the door open at the most unfortunate moment exposing you in all your granny pants wearing glory in some kind of horrific yoga position trying to break free
• Having selective hearing Honestly  if you ask them not to do something you will have to repeat yourself about 7 million times while they ignore you. You try and hide in the kitchen and open a sneaky wee chocolate biscuit and they are there like a shot. No problems hearing a wrapper rustling!
• Showing you up in front of other people Whether it’s acting like lunatics while shopping (see above), loudly making comments about random strangers, “mummy, why is that man so bald?” or just completely ignoring you, it’s like they  try (and often succeed) to make you look a total fool in front of others.
• Preferring daddy I mean, don’t get me wrong I married the guy so I clearly think he’s alright too but they have to take it to the extreme. As soon as daddy strolls in from work I don’t even get a look in. I can’t help feeling indignant though when daddy is proclaimed “best cook ever” after serving up some chicken dippers, chips and tomato sauce in his once in a blue moon cooking attempt. Aye never mind mummy who usually does all the cooking day in day out. Our three year old daddy’s boy is so disinterested in me when daddy’s home i’m not even allowed to tie his shoe laces or lift him out the bath because he “needs daddy to do it!” They really do think he’s the best thing ever. So nice to feel appreciated!
• Becoming less and less likely to sleep the more tired they become What is even with that? What’s not to love about the idea of chilling and having a nap? Apparently if you are a toddler – everything! And they will use every kicking, screaming, grabbing onto things tactic to avoid it. usually while screaming how they are not tired in your face. Also, it’s basically a scientific fact that there is a direct correlation between the more tired they are and  the more demonic they become.
• Ruining meal times for everyone In one way or another meal times are always a shambles. They will request something for dinner and then as soon as you put it down in front of them tell you they don’t like it anymore. They will tell you they have had enough to eat, then if you dare to finish off a left over chip screech at you that they were still hungry. Or  the worst meal time crime of all refuse to eat their own dinner then come over and start nicking yours off your plate. And don’t even get me started on going out for a meal with them!
• Not being remotely interested in something until someone else has it This is something i’ve really come to appreciate having 2 toddlers to contend with (what was I thinking?!). As soon as one of them spots the other with a toy, no matter what they are doing they instantly need to have that toy. In fact it doesn’t even have to be a toy to spark a baby brawl, even the silliest thing such as an empty toilet roll tube can lead to a vicious battle.
• Having a melt down over the stupidest of things They manage to turn the seemly most minor offence into the biggest drama. Try giving them the Peppa Pig bowl when they wanted the Paw Patrol one. While I do agree that Peppa is a little shit, it in no way warrants the almighty kick off that ensues. The list of things that will set them off is endless and ever changing. This morning I wouldn’t feed them ice lollies for breakfast. That one earned me a good 15 minutes of screaming for a really great start to the day.
• After a massive twenty minute hissy fit of tears, snot, flailing and stamping feet instantly switching as if none of it has even happened!  After you’ve tried picking them up, comforting them, cuddling them, ignoring them, pleading with them to stop and nothing you can say or do is working. You feel like you’re slowly going insane and  there seems to be no end in sight, then suddenly………nothing. They switch it off completely and resume normality (well as normal as toddlers can ever be!) After about 3 seconds there is no sign that there had ever been a tantrum at all.

And despite all their crazy ridiculousness you can’t even actually be annoyed at them because it takes them a split second to switch from little horrors to cutest things on earth. Well played toddlers, well played.